Laundry Day

February 11, 2011 at 4:08 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

There’s a strange old man I sometimes run into while taking out the trash or doing  laundry.

He looks a bit undead. Not like a zombie, but like maybe he was brought back to life after having died. A new heart or a new brain. Both?

If he does hunger for human flesh he’s playing it very cool.

“Helloooo,” he says in an unknown accent while I move  my wet clothes from washer to dryer. Eyes glazed over and a large, unsettling grin. I greet him politely but hurry out.

He makes those of us who are still alive uncomfortable.
But who cares?
He’s got another 90 years in him, and tonight he’ll have warm sheets.

 

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Killing small, furry animals.

January 30, 2011 at 2:04 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

I took in a second cat a little while ago. Actually, let me rephrase that- a second cat was dumped on me a little while ago despite the fact that I have neither the money nor space to accommodate it. The cat itself I love to death, he’s great for curling up in bed with me when I’m having a nap and for making weird faces. However, at least one cat is about to die.

As if I didn’t have enough trouble sleeping, the two now keep me up half the night chasing eachother around my room. If I lock them out of my room they keep me up half the night trying to get back in. If I put in earplugs and try to ignore them anything on a flat surface ends up on the floor and/or destroyed as they tear through my room. If I use one to beat the other to death my roommates call the cops on me. It’s all lose-lose, but the more sleep deprived I become the more the last option appeals to me.

I am hoping that with time they will chill the fuck out. In the meantime, though, I’ll be sharpening my knives.

 

FYI

January 17, 2011 at 11:13 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Having work early the next day is not a good reason not to watch Mystery Science Theater 3000. Stupid.

Also, I somehow lost my camera. Somewhere in my apartment. In the past week. Without using it.

Buy me a new camera and I’ll show you my tits
I’ll cook you a delicious meal
I’ll make my friend cook you  a delicious meal.

Spiders are not just annoying, they are actually evil and conniving. There is no other explanation for one hiding on a toilet paper roll. Unless they are not actually evil but have an evil sense of humor. Either way, they are damn dirty scoundrels and can’t be trusted.

P.S.- Here’s my first tat in all its glory. Drink it in with your eyeballs.

 

 

Caffeine Fueled Rage: Pt 2

December 13, 2010 at 5:51 pm | Posted in silliness, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Things that are not nice and that you can cut out, now.

In no particular order:

Being an asshole to me in my dreams. Seriously, wtf?

Deciding that when you come over you should randomly bring donuts, then leave the leftovers with me. You know I am going to eat them all. Stop trying to fatten me up.

Interrupting my stories every 10 seconds. It is already nearly impossible for me to hold on to a train of thought long enough to get through a story in its entirety. Intentionally leading me off course then expecting me to pick up where I left off is just cruel. (Interrupting stories you don’t care about is cool, though).

Getting mad at me when I’m late. If we have met before, you should know better than to expect anything less. Instead, just be impressed when I make it on time. Everyone will be happier.

Judging me for being pro nuclear war. I am entitled to my opinions, damnit.

Asking questions about my personal life that you can’t actually handle the answers to. I am unlikely to be coy about something. If it is too much information and is going to make you uncomfortable, don’t ask.

For that matter, you can also cut out asking any questions that you don’t want the answers to.

Hugging me without permission. 99.999999999999999% of the time a hug will be poorly received. Play it safe and let me initiate if I am interested. Just know that I probably won’t be. This goes for you too, family.

Asking me what we should do when you’ve already decided what you want to do and won’t accept any other answers. This is not only not nice, but it’s stupid and it will result in me kicking you.

Telling me that I should really learn how to drive, as if this is something that I don’t hear 600 times a day. REALLY, WOULD IT MAKE CERTAIN THINGS MORE CONVENIENT? THAT NEVER OCCURRED TO ME. (If you are ready to give me a car you are exempt from this one).

Telling me that candy is not a meal. We will just have to agree to disagree! (Same goes for cake).(And alcohol).

Forcing me to watch stupid movies if you are going to be offended that I think they’re stupid. I am more than happy to watch them with you, but I am also happy to rip them to shreds and make you listen to me do it.

 

To be continued…

Short and Not So Sweet

December 5, 2010 at 11:35 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Alright, so about a week ago I found out that one of my roommates is leaving and plans to be out by January 1st. This is somewhat problematic because I’ll be out of the damn country at the time, but I posted a craigslist ad and wasn’t too insanely worried about it.

I just went out to the kitchen and noticed that she has started packing her stuff.

I am seriously crazy-panicked right now. If I can’t find a new roomie soon, I’m going to be $400ish short on rent. And my lease is up in January too, which is not ideal for the whole not-ending-up-on-the-street thing.

I am going to keep looking for someone to fill the space. But I am now looking at having to postpone or cancel my trip altogether. If rent money is an issue I can’t really afford to be buying passports. Or taking 2 weeks off from work.

Boo. :[

Canada (Eh) and The Rocky Horror Xmas Show

December 4, 2010 at 1:13 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

These should technically be separate posts but my brain does not function that way. So.

From December 28th to January 11th I’m gonna be in effing Canada (eh)! I’m turning 20 on January 2nd and wanted to do something somewhat awesome, and what could be more somewhat awesome than freezing my ass off in America’s hat? And I can drink there! Woo!

(Dearest Facebook: Please do not be alarmed by what will surely be an excessive amount of drunken photos flooding my feed during this time).

Anyway! I am craaaaaazy stoked and I’m totally bringing back ketchup flavored potato chips for everyone. I still have some serious preparing to do including buying a bunch of crap, doing something about my damn head (hair) and, most importantly getting me some expedited passport.

Stuffs I gotta get. Minus coat, which is already acquired and also awesome.

This is where the trouble comes in.

Naturally the government doesn’t want anyone leaving ever, so getting an expedited passport is unnecessarily difficult. I am going to have to get my ass up to LA sometime between the 14th and 20th Monday-Friday, and get one then. The trouble is my lack of transportation. Right now I am weighing the overall unpleasantness of riding a Greyhound then 2-3 buses up there against the cost of taking the train and possibly a cab. It is all a huge pain in the ass. If anyone feels like riding the bus up there with me (to either help prevent me from getting mugged [strength in numbers?] or make me feel better by getting mugged as well [misery loves company?]) or drive me up there, that would be effing amazing. I will totally pay the gas and buy you lunch. Srsly.

Anyone who can’t accompany me but still wants to give me birthday whatevers, money towards the trip is awesome, or anything in that crap-collage. It doesn’t have to be that exact thing (minus the boots and mothafuckin yeti hat), but, y’know, similar whatevers.

For my birthday/x-mas my family is doing a Rocky Horror themed party; like y’do. So. We’re gonna watch the movie, and, of course, come in costume. Right now I am torn about who to be. Of course my first thought was Riff Raff, since he’s great, but now I’m realizing that he might be a bit difficult for me to pull off. Convincingly, at least.  My next best choice is obviously Frank, but he has too many great outfits to choose from!

Why not Magenta or Columbia? In my family I’m pretty sure there’s already a good chance that we’ll have at least 2 of each. And it could come to blows about who pulled the characters off better. My money is on my uncle, Lance, as either.

Here is a doodle breakdown of my options. Because it is goddamn 3-something in the morning and I either have to be drawing or cleaning my room (it is little coincidence that I write this as I am preparing to get back into polyphasic, and so need to be awake during fucked up hours).

…………………..

Ok. I was originally going to do a sketch of each costume I’m contemplating, but considering that I’ve just finished one and it’s been over an hour and a half (though to be fair this also included playing with lipstick and a dance number by yours truly), I think I’ll just put up the one that’s done, and add the rest later. Friggin’ enjoy.

No, I was not joking about the lipstick.

 

I was not joking about the dance number either, but don't have photographic evidence.

 

 

 

 

Caffeine Fueled Rage @ 2am

November 9, 2010 at 10:07 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Harle says:

-you aren’t large
-you are a good size.
-like…medium
-or
-if you were a drink
-“regular”

Kevin says:
-it is the best one

Harle says:
-that is what people like to order at my restaurant
-before they know what the fuck size cups we have
-it is goddamn small or large
-stop fucking making bullshit assumptions, people.

Kevin says:
-I’m sorry

Harle says:
-also
-people who don’t listen to your question
-and just say “yeah”
-so when I ask if they want it for here or to go and they say “yeah”
-someday I am going to set someone on fire for that.

Kevin says:
-tomorrow

Harle says:
-maybe.
-Considering my current stress level, this is not unlikely.

Kevin says:
-well
-probably try not to

Harle says:
-Whateva. It’s a good way to get on the local news.

Kevin says:
-hmph

More crap later, probably less crazy-type.

How to Prepare for Your First Day at Work- Harle Style

September 3, 2010 at 4:04 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Hey kids, if you’re nervous about your first day on the new job, don’t be! Just follow these simple steps and you’re sure to be a success!


The Night Before*:

  • Do laundry
  • Stay up all night as part of your crazy sleep experiments that serve no purpose
  • Pass the time painting and watching a full season of American Dad! on Netflix
  • Eventually get bored with canvas and start painting yourself instead
  • Look awesome all paint-covered, then take pictures
  • Crop yr boobs out of the photos
  • Color em up, upload to Facebook
  • Giggle
  • When you’ve reached the point of complete physical exhaustion (approximately 6.45 am), take  a 30 minute nap
  • Have trouble falling asleep because in your sleep deprived state, you see strobe lights and  sparks on your eyelids and the songs of birds become crazy audible hallucinations in your mind
  • Have insanely vivid dreams

The Morning of*:

  • Wake up, pretend to be rested
  • Eat half a hamburger
  • Shower
  • Watch Days of Our Lives
  • Cackle
  • Put on makeup
  • Get distracted by text message hilarity with pod people
  • Email
  • Get distracted by shiny objects…and non-shiny objects
  • All of a sudden realize you have 15 minutes to be AT work and aren’t dressed
  • Throw on random clothes
  • Hope pants aren’t on backwards
  • Run down the street to work and arrive just in time
  • Sit around for 40 minutes because everyone else is late

Fin.

*”Night” and “day” are becoming abstract concepts for me. I’ve started to think of “night” as being the “end” of the previous 24 hour cycle, but this is loosely defined. During the current 24 hour cycle, “morning” for me started when I decided to get ready to go to work.

Guh.

August 24, 2010 at 12:08 pm | Posted in Life, Polyphasic Sleep | Leave a comment

I need to start eating like a human again. Re-adapting to this sleepy thing has made me really lazy about food. Today I learned that ramen noodles, melted chocolate, a smoothie, and a latte do not a balanced diet make.

Who knew?

Anyway, in other news. Life is weird and I have all kinds of random ghosts from my past contacting me out of nowhere. It’s cool but also makes me feel a little bit like I’m in the twilight zone. Had a fun time hanging out with an old..uh..friend(?) at the beach at 2 a.m. There were rats all over the place, it was nutty.

Oh, and new sewing machine. But more on that later. (anyone want to teach me to sew?)

K, that’s all for now because I need a nap time.

P.S.- Buy me groceries.

P.P.S. – Nobutsrsly.

Polyphasic Sleep: Lessons I’ve Learned the Hard Way

August 11, 2010 at 4:40 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Here’s a quick list of things I’ve learned. I’m somewhat delirious right now so bear with me.

1) Try really hard to keep track of what day it is. The days tend to melt into eachother so once you get lazy about this it can get pretty confusing. I have no idea what day I’m on and little idea what planet I’m on.

2) Don’t skip naps. This is badbadbad. Or, it can be. There have been times I skipped a nap and been fine, but sometimes I’m not so lucky. Yesterday I skipped a nap, thought I’d make it up later by stretching out my next nap. Yeah, not so much. Not only did that cause me to oversleep, but now I’m as tired as I was back in the beginning. Not good stuff. Really, I’m barely functioning right now. Next time I’ll just move my nap schedule around rather than miss one entirely. There’s really no way for me to combine naps safely yet without ending up on the everyman schedule.

3.Eat eat eat. I know that I’ve mentioned this one before, but it’s saved my life. Sometimes the best thing to help me get up and moving is just a small snack. I like granola bars or quick protein like hummus spread on an english muffin. But really, anything somewhat nutritious and filling should help.

4. Be prepared for discouragement. People like people like them, meaning people who sleep normal hours. People tend to not like people who need naps every 6 hours and get cranky when they’re an hour or two past it. Adapting makes you a lot like a toddler, and about as fun.

5. Make sure that you ARE getting the amount of sleep that you planned. I had heard that you should just lay down for the amount of time you’re supposed to give yourself and get up at the right time even if you didn’t sleep at all. I’ve found this strategy to be completely counterproductive. I end up exhausted later on, where if I had just given myself an additional 10-15 minutes to actually get some sleep in I’d feel ok. Btw, exhaustion leads to oversleeping, which is worse than staying in bed an extra 10 minutes.

6. Pets are a pain in the ass- get rid of them. I cannot tell you how difficult my cat is making my life right now. I love the little bastard to pieces but right now he’s just in the way.

7. Roommates are a pain in the ass- get rid of them. You know all those things that would probably help a person stay awake at night, like playing loud music or cooking or doing the dishes that have been piling up in their bedroom or vacuuming? Yeah, I can’t t do any of that stuff past 11 pm. This, of course, is the time when I most need that extra stimulation to keep going.

That’s it for right now. I’ll continue the list as I go along and maybe make one long comprehensive one once I feel like I’ve got a handle on this thing. Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s almost my naptime.

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