Caffeine Fueled Rage: Pt 2

December 13, 2010 at 5:51 pm | Posted in silliness, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Things that are not nice and that you can cut out, now.

In no particular order:

Being an asshole to me in my dreams. Seriously, wtf?

Deciding that when you come over you should randomly bring donuts, then leave the leftovers with me. You know I am going to eat them all. Stop trying to fatten me up.

Interrupting my stories every 10 seconds. It is already nearly impossible for me to hold on to a train of thought long enough to get through a story in its entirety. Intentionally leading me off course then expecting me to pick up where I left off is just cruel. (Interrupting stories you don’t care about is cool, though).

Getting mad at me when I’m late. If we have met before, you should know better than to expect anything less. Instead, just be impressed when I make it on time. Everyone will be happier.

Judging me for being pro nuclear war. I am entitled to my opinions, damnit.

Asking questions about my personal life that you can’t actually handle the answers to. I am unlikely to be coy about something. If it is too much information and is going to make you uncomfortable, don’t ask.

For that matter, you can also cut out asking any questions that you don’t want the answers to.

Hugging me without permission. 99.999999999999999% of the time a hug will be poorly received. Play it safe and let me initiate if I am interested. Just know that I probably won’t be. This goes for you too, family.

Asking me what we should do when you’ve already decided what you want to do and won’t accept any other answers. This is not only not nice, but it’s stupid and it will result in me kicking you.

Telling me that I should really learn how to drive, as if this is something that I don’t hear 600 times a day. REALLY, WOULD IT MAKE CERTAIN THINGS MORE CONVENIENT? THAT NEVER OCCURRED TO ME. (If you are ready to give me a car you are exempt from this one).

Telling me that candy is not a meal. We will just have to agree to disagree! (Same goes for cake).(And alcohol).

Forcing me to watch stupid movies if you are going to be offended that I think they’re stupid. I am more than happy to watch them with you, but I am also happy to rip them to shreds and make you listen to me do it.


To be continued…


Dragons, Monsters, and Better Monsters

May 19, 2010 at 6:31 pm | Posted in Life, silliness | 2 Comments
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Ok, two things:

1) I have a new bearded dragon who is adorable.
2) Monster hoodies need to look like monsters.

Got it? ok.

So Just last week, I adopted a teeny tiny bearded dragon who I named Trogdor (because he’s a littleĀ burninator).

Trogdor doubles as a fashionable brooch!

He’s about a month and a half old, and he’s completely hilarious. This is the first lizard I’ve owned, and I guess I didn’t expect him to have so much personality. I got him a HUGE tank (well, huge for an itty bitty little pocket-sized dragon), which he loves, and a more appropriately sized feeding tank, which I thought I would put his crickets in and then set him loose on them. He was not having it at all. He absolutely hates the little tank. As soon as I put him in there he runs atĀ one of the walls, and starts trying desperately to climb up the wall. The hilarity of this is that, not having suction cup feet, he pretty much just ends up flailing his teeny little arms wildly against the glass to no avail. It looks a lot like he’s trying to swim. He periodically pauses his efforts to cock his head to one side and glare at me. Needless to say, I’ve had to come up with another way of feeding him the crickets.

He also loves the head pets. One of the reasons I chose him rather than either of his two brothers is how well he does with being handled. As feisty as he can be, he really likes being held, and he makes the sleepy faces when you pet his head.

Baby Frogface

And by ‘pet’ I actually mean ‘lightly stroke with the tip of one finger because he’s bite-size’.

Ok, enough about the baby, onto the monsters.

Now, I love”monster” anything. The monster mash, monster cookies, cookie monster, monster truck rallies… So when I got the new BustedTees newsletter, announcing the arrival of a new line they call MonsterHoodies, I clicked on that email with such enthusiasm as you would not believe. To my complete and utter disappointment, MonsterHoodies completely suck. It’s just a regular old hoodie with droopy teeth and stupid eyes on top. Not even googly eyes, people! I’ve seen this concept executed well, so there’s really no excuse for this lack of monstrosity:


I’m disgusted at this complete disrespect and misrepresentation of monsters, so I did what anyone else would do: I opened up MS Paint, mustered up all of my outrage, and drew my own version of what a monster hoodie should be. None of this kindergarten craft lesson BS.

Skills of an artist.

Yes I’m naked under the monster hoodie. What of it?

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