How to Prepare for Your First Day at Work- Harle Style

September 3, 2010 at 4:04 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment
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Hey kids, if you’re nervous about your first day on the new job, don’t be! Just follow these simple steps and you’re sure to be a success!


The Night Before*:

  • Do laundry
  • Stay up all night as part of your crazy sleep experiments that serve no purpose
  • Pass the time painting and watching a full season of American Dad! on Netflix
  • Eventually get bored with canvas and start painting yourself instead
  • Look awesome all paint-covered, then take pictures
  • Crop yr boobs out of the photos
  • Color em up, upload to Facebook
  • Giggle
  • When you’ve reached the point of complete physical exhaustion (approximately 6.45 am), take  a 30 minute nap
  • Have trouble falling asleep because in your sleep deprived state, you see strobe lights and  sparks on your eyelids and the songs of birds become crazy audible hallucinations in your mind
  • Have insanely vivid dreams

The Morning of*:

  • Wake up, pretend to be rested
  • Eat half a hamburger
  • Shower
  • Watch Days of Our Lives
  • Cackle
  • Put on makeup
  • Get distracted by text message hilarity with pod people
  • Email
  • Get distracted by shiny objects…and non-shiny objects
  • All of a sudden realize you have 15 minutes to be AT work and aren’t dressed
  • Throw on random clothes
  • Hope pants aren’t on backwards
  • Run down the street to work and arrive just in time
  • Sit around for 40 minutes because everyone else is late

Fin.

*”Night” and “day” are becoming abstract concepts for me. I’ve started to think of “night” as being the “end” of the previous 24 hour cycle, but this is loosely defined. During the current 24 hour cycle, “morning” for me started when I decided to get ready to go to work.

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A Cat On the Rocks With a Twist

May 11, 2010 at 12:23 am | Posted in Life | 1 Comment
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Spent an afternoon at the bay for some lunch and sunshine, and found out that the rocks here are, I kid you not, infested with cats.

Awesome.

We saw about a dozen that afternoon, and I’m sure that there are plenty more. I guess some stray had kittens there at some point and they’ve just stuck around. Seems like a pretty sweet hang out to me, and they all looked pretty content.

For some reason I was not allowed to take this one home.

I’m really tempted to take the Baby Cosmo on a field trip to see them, but something tells me the bay cats are not too interested in making friends with my behemoth of a cat-monkey-turkey-puppy hybrid. He has a bad habit of pouncing and biting new victims friends, and I don’t think they take kindly to that kind of behavior in those parts.

One of the cats was sitting by some fishermen, hanging around and waiting for scraps of food to be tossed his way. Forget Cosmo, these guys live better than I do. Waterfront property, lounging in the sun, free food, being adorable at all times. I’m totally requesting rock cat for my next life. You do get to make requests for that stuff, right?

I made this fisherman very uncomfortable.

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