How to Prepare for Your First Day at Work- Harle Style

September 3, 2010 at 4:04 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment
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Hey kids, if you’re nervous about your first day on the new job, don’t be! Just follow these simple steps and you’re sure to be a success!


The Night Before*:

  • Do laundry
  • Stay up all night as part of your crazy sleep experiments that serve no purpose
  • Pass the time painting and watching a full season of American Dad! on Netflix
  • Eventually get bored with canvas and start painting yourself instead
  • Look awesome all paint-covered, then take pictures
  • Crop yr boobs out of the photos
  • Color em up, upload to Facebook
  • Giggle
  • When you’ve reached the point of complete physical exhaustion (approximately 6.45 am), take  a 30 minute nap
  • Have trouble falling asleep because in your sleep deprived state, you see strobe lights and  sparks on your eyelids and the songs of birds become crazy audible hallucinations in your mind
  • Have insanely vivid dreams

The Morning of*:

  • Wake up, pretend to be rested
  • Eat half a hamburger
  • Shower
  • Watch Days of Our Lives
  • Cackle
  • Put on makeup
  • Get distracted by text message hilarity with pod people
  • Email
  • Get distracted by shiny objects…and non-shiny objects
  • All of a sudden realize you have 15 minutes to be AT work and aren’t dressed
  • Throw on random clothes
  • Hope pants aren’t on backwards
  • Run down the street to work and arrive just in time
  • Sit around for 40 minutes because everyone else is late

Fin.

*”Night” and “day” are becoming abstract concepts for me. I’ve started to think of “night” as being the “end” of the previous 24 hour cycle, but this is loosely defined. During the current 24 hour cycle, “morning” for me started when I decided to get ready to go to work.

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The Short and the Short of It

August 3, 2010 at 10:54 am | Posted in Life | 1 Comment
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Back from a ridunkulous hiatus. Finally. Lots of new and exciting disasters in my life, along with the same old same old of my usual disasters.

Probably more on that later. At the moment I want to talk a bit about an experiment that I’m about to do on myself. I’ve sort of already started, but I’m considering today a “prep day”, so not really.

Starting tomorrow I’m going to be on a polyphasic sleep cycle, meaning I’ll get my rest in short bursts throughout the day rather than in one big chunk at night. There are a few different polyphasic cycles, the most famous being the Everyman and the Uberman. I’ll be doing the Dymaxion, both because it seems more practical for day-to-day life and because it sounds cool.

My basic schedule starting today is going to consist of naps at 4 a.m., 10 a.m., 4 p.m., and 10 p.m. Each nap will be 30 minutes long. My goal is to stay on this schedule for a minimum of 2 months. From the blogs and videos I’ve seen posted by people on polyphasic cycles, the first month is pretty difficult, but by the second month you get to reap the benefits of the strict schedule.

I call today a prep day because while I wanted to take a day to help my body adjust to less sleep, I also wanted to make my schedule more flexible on the first day. I slept 2 1/2 hours to wake up at 4 am, then had a 30 minute nap at 8. My next nap came at 3 p.m and my final nap was supposed to be at 9 p.m. but I ended up taking it at 9.30 or 9.45. The nap at 3 was awesome, I fell asleep relatively quickly, dreamed a bit, and woke up feeling a bit less groggy. I was still pretty out of it, and part of my brain seemed to still be dreaming, but I was somewhat refreshed. The nap at 9 might as well have not happened. From my apartment you can hear the fireworks show they have every night at Sea World. I had barely started to drift off when they started them. Try as I might to sleep through it, it was a no-go that time. I’ve felt pretty crappy ever since.

For the past few hours I’ve been obsessively watching the clock. I do my best to keep myself occupied, but being this fatigued makes it hard for me to care much at all about any activity I’m capable of doing right now. I’m afraid a book or movie would just put me right to sleep.

I only have about 20 minutes left to wait until my next nap and I’m insanely relieved. Funny how you begin to fixate on that which you deprive yourself of.

Despite feeling tired, I’m also feeling surprisingly alert right now. I might not be at my best mentally, but no worse off than I would be after staying up too late on a normal schedule. I’ll update sometime in the next 24 hours to elaborate on my motivation, but obviously a big one is time. When you’re only taking four 30-minute naps per day, that’s an additional 6 waking hours you wouldn’t have under the monophasic schedule. Time already seems to be going by so slowly! Once my body adjusts, I’m excited to see how much I can get done in a day. I’m most enthused about crafts, but it might be nice to be slightly productive every once in a while too.

In addition to posting about the experience here, I’ll be making video logs (the word “vlog” is strictly prohibited here) over on the YouTubesss. I might occasionally post the videos here, if there are any extra strange happenings to report (I hear that blacking out during the second week is common), but otherwise you can check out my channel here.

That’s all for now, look out for sleepytime updates and pics of the vintage stuff I’ve been collecting for resale. I’ll probably be updating this thing way too much now. You’re welcome.

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