How to Prepare for Your First Day at Work- Harle Style

September 3, 2010 at 4:04 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment
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Hey kids, if you’re nervous about your first day on the new job, don’t be! Just follow these simple steps and you’re sure to be a success!


The Night Before*:

  • Do laundry
  • Stay up all night as part of your crazy sleep experiments that serve no purpose
  • Pass the time painting and watching a full season of American Dad! on Netflix
  • Eventually get bored with canvas and start painting yourself instead
  • Look awesome all paint-covered, then take pictures
  • Crop yr boobs out of the photos
  • Color em up, upload to Facebook
  • Giggle
  • When you’ve reached the point of complete physical exhaustion (approximately 6.45 am), take  a 30 minute nap
  • Have trouble falling asleep because in your sleep deprived state, you see strobe lights and  sparks on your eyelids and the songs of birds become crazy audible hallucinations in your mind
  • Have insanely vivid dreams

The Morning of*:

  • Wake up, pretend to be rested
  • Eat half a hamburger
  • Shower
  • Watch Days of Our Lives
  • Cackle
  • Put on makeup
  • Get distracted by text message hilarity with pod people
  • Email
  • Get distracted by shiny objects…and non-shiny objects
  • All of a sudden realize you have 15 minutes to be AT work and aren’t dressed
  • Throw on random clothes
  • Hope pants aren’t on backwards
  • Run down the street to work and arrive just in time
  • Sit around for 40 minutes because everyone else is late

Fin.

*”Night” and “day” are becoming abstract concepts for me. I’ve started to think of “night” as being the “end” of the previous 24 hour cycle, but this is loosely defined. During the current 24 hour cycle, “morning” for me started when I decided to get ready to go to work.

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